South Africans are adopting online dating as a convenient, accessible way to meet new people. Though still not as common here as elsewhere in the world, the South African dating app market is expected to reach USD 360.3 million by 2030.
While online dating is growing in popularity, concerns about fraud, catfishing and physical safety remain top of mind. If you’re hoping to meet your match this “month of love”, we have some tips to help you stay safe – online and in-person.
Romance Scams: Five red flags to look out for
Online dating can be risky even before you meet up with someone. Romance scams are becoming increasingly sophisticated as scammers use social media and AI to make their scams more convincing – usually to defraud victims and steal money. While women are much more likely to be victimised by romance scammers, men can be targets, too.
Here are five red flags to look out for:
1. Your new romantic interest tries to move your conversation off the dating app or website quickly. Because most dating apps monitor for unusual or suspicious activity – such as a person sending the exact same messages to multiple people – and can flag suspicious profiles, scammers will try to move your conversations off the app as soon as possible. They might claim their subscription is expiring, or that they don’t like logging into the app every day. Whatever the reason, moving your interaction onto WhatsApp or similar too soon is a red flag.
2. Attention and displays of affection are very intense, very early. This is known as love-bombing, and it’s designed to sweep you off your feet in the worst possible way. If your online dating connection starts calling you their soul mate a little too early, is constantly messaging you and ignores you when you try to set boundaries, this is a red flag.
3. They seem a little too good to be true. Their profile pic will be super-model perfect. They’ll tell you soap-opera stories about their family and try to impress you with their jet-setting lifestyle. They’ll have so much in common with you – life experiences, likes and dislikes. A romance scammer will say anything to convince you they’re everything you’ve been looking for in a romantic partner. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
4. They won’t video call with you. There will always be some reason they can’t do this, from tech issues to just “not being a fan” of video calls. If your new romantic interest always has an excuse for not participating in video calls, it’s a big red flag. They don’t want you to know what they really look like.
5. They ask for money. Whether it’s still early days or you’ve been dating online for months, a romantic partner that asks for money when your relationship has never made to IRL status is trying to scam you. Just say no.
Meeting IRL: When things get real
So, you’ve read our red flag list and you’re satisfied you’re not seeing anything to worry about. You’ve verified your online romantic interest’s identity with a video call, and done a bit of online research (LinkedIn and other social media profiles) to establish they have a digital footprint. You’ve decided it’s safe to meet in person.
Your personal safety on your first IRL date should be your next concern. Follow these tips to make sure your first date is safe:
1. Make sure you have a wing. Share the details of your date with a friend or family member, let them know when you arrive and when your date arrives, and agree to a “safe” text time. Let your wing know when you arrive home after your date. You may also want to share location tracking with your wing so they can monitor your location if they don’t hear from you when they expect to.
2. Don’t let them pick you up. Drive yourself, use a rideshare service you trust or use safe public transport. Arriving and leaving independently means you can make your exit easily if things get uncomfortable. It’s also a good idea to make sure someone you trust is on standby to pick you up in case of car trouble or rideshare app malfunction.
3. Meet in public. A well-lit, busy restaurant or café is best.
4. Remember the love bombing. Love bombing is a grooming technique that abusers use in person as well. If your date flatters you excessively or gets too serious too quickly, take it as a warning sign.
5. Be discreet. Be careful of sharing too much personal information. Predators can use your home or office address and your weekly routines to stalk you, so hang onto too much detail until you’re sure you can trust your new romantic interest.
6. Trust your gut. If anything feels off before or during your date, get out of there. Sparing someone’s feelings isn’t as important as getting home safely.
It’s easy to get swept up in the romance of a new love interest, and we certainly don’t want to rain on your parade. Though it may be a cliché, “better safe than sorry” is still very good advice.
And, as a final thought, be kind to your fellow online daters – report any suspicious behaviour or experiences on the dating app you’re using so that scammers and predators don’t go unnoticed until it’s too late.
So, with our tips for dating safely in mind, we wish you a happy Valentine’s Day!